Ask Two Knights

oh you know

the normal way

I’M GLAD TO SEE YOU WERE ABLE TO MAKE THAT DIFFICULT DECISION ALL ON YOUR OWN.

yeah good job champ were real proud of you

THE SAME POWERFUL DECISION MAKING SKILLS SURELY WENT INTO THE SELECTION OF THAT USERNAME.

classy as shit bro

no

i dont know if youve noticed but bubblebutt vantas here has too wide of a load to back into these slick threads without ruining them

i guess i wouldnt mind getting in his pants though

you got a problem karkat

oh my fucking god

NOPE. NO PROBLEM.

jesus CHRIST fuck you vantas

what the fuck was that

that is not an appropriate response to ANYTHING

WHATEVER, BULGEMUNCH, I’M OUT OF HERE.

yeah you better fucking leave

and dont try getting back in because i am locking the door

god

fuck

I’M GOING TO HAVE TO ASSUME THIS QUESTION WAS DIRECTED AT ME, AND THAT IT WAS AN ASSHOLE ATTEMPT AT A PUN THAT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN FUNNY EVEN IF I KNEW WHAT A “CONDOM” WAS —

wait hold the phone the red lights flashing and im getting an urgent message

am i hearing this right have you really never heard of a condom before

WHAT

NO, WHY WOULD I HAVE?

well sit your cute troll butt down here at the schoolfeeding station while i serve you up a hot plate of crosscultural exchange

you see when two people give their consent to do the mating macarena and one of those people wants to dock their submarine in the love tunnel

they might accidentally fire their dna torpedos and fertilize the enemy egg

if that happens a little person thing will grow all up in there

and it will need to pop out eventually

so you see a condom is like a special covering you put on your love rod to keep your partner parasite free

and thats why the knight hood looks like one

because being a knight is about protecting the ones you love

do you understand

YOUR SPECIES HAS THE MOST BULGEBLISTERINGLY BARBARIC REPRODUCTIVE PRACTICES I HAVE EVER HEARD OF, AND THIS IS EVEN AFTER I’VE HAD TO SIT THROUGH ZAHHAK’S MUSCLEBEAST LECTURES.

THAT IS SICK. HOW IT IS EVEN POSSIBLE FOR A SPECIES THAT IS TROLLISH IN SHAPE TO BE THE BIOLOGICAL EQUIVALENT OF A CARNIVOROUS FUNGAL GROWTH? NEXT THING YOU’LL BE TELLING ME THAT YOU DISEMBOWL YOURSELVES AND WAVE YOUR INNARDS AROUND DURING YOUR MATING DANCE.

I’M LEAVING. I NEED TO LAY DOWN BEFORE MY THINKPAN CRACKS OPEN AND THE FLUIDS LEAK OUT MY CARTILIGE NUB.

okay

good talk